courage

I am a control freak. While some people are born with an inherent need to have control over every little situation, this is not something naturally in my blood. I was always a go-with-the-flow kind of person, I didn’t really worry too much about problems, and I very much had a “whatever” kind of attitude. When I got pregnant is when I started to notice the change in my behavior. If I didn’t know exactly what was going on with everything and everyone all of the time, I felt lost, reckless, and confused. As I had a baby I started struggling even more with that, a byproduct of what I now can recognize as post partum depression.

Ever since those days, it is something that has been a part of my personality and honestly, I don’t like it. For this Monday Sunshine, I wanted to share this quote I ran across (author unknown) recently because when I read it I could physically feel its truth. For those of you who might be like me, who worry about everything, who get anxiety about the unknown, who feel immense guilt over every mistake, who can’t let go the past, who feel overwhelmed by the future, who find themselves obsessing over other people’s problems or situations… things like these cannot be changed. We waste energy worrying or obsessing over things we can’t fix and it can hang over us- Picture those old cartoons with a raincloud constantly hovering the character.

Sometimes though, what feels even harder than dealing with those burdens, is finding the courage to let go of them. I can’t tell you how many times I have told myself not to worry, only to find the anxiety monster sitting on my shoulder whispering horrors into my ear. Sometimes it feels impossible to imagine ever forgiving myself for making mistakes, or to stop worrying about other people and what is going on in their life. But sometimes I find myself able to let go, even just for a bit, and you guys, I can’t tell you how good that feels. Of course I’m only human and so I struggle maintaining that perspective all the time, but my goal is to try and remember this quote every time I feel the need to be in control or start worrying. We can’t control everything, we are only human, bad things happen, mistakes happen, changes in plans happen…Life. Just. Happens. And even though it is messy, it is still beautiful. Happy Monday, everyone!

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